Home: def.: the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.  That definition is accurate (I googled it).  Yet for me, it’s not true.

I recently moved from a cute little bungalow that was too big and expensive for me.  There was a fireplace, I bought the best couch ever and a super fluffy white carpet my logical friend attempted to talk me out of (then ended up loving).  There were candles, a girly bedroom and room for guests.  I enjoyed friends stopping by and  had neighbors that brought me eggs and fresh veggies from their garden.  I loved that house. I didn’t realize how much until I left.

In the next few days I told myself I was fine; I was sad but over it. It took a good week for things to bubble up again.  I was in a group and experienced a repeated, but unintentional slight.   My feelings were hurt and I was fed up. I thought about it for a minute then just left.  I thought to myself, I wasn’t willing to fit in at my own expense.  Walking away felt very lonely but helped highlight something very important to me: belonging.

I’ve often struggled with belonging.  I understand how to fit in but it’s always felt empty to me.  I realized the physical space of my house was not what I was missing, rather the belonging it afforded.  The feeling of walking into MY house was magic.  No matter what was happening on a given day, I could walk in and belong.

It’s been 14 years since I enjoyed that feeling at my parents’ farmhouse.  As an adult, I’d scoot home when things got tough and hide out for a few days.  I’d sleep in and lounge around.  My Dad and I would sit in the corner and watch a tiny TV and crack jokes.  My Mom would cook and happily clean.  It was peacefully reminiscent of childhood camping trips.  Mom and Dad have been gone for several years.  I miss them but feel blessed for the time I had.

These days I’m feeling grateful I found that space again.  And sad it’s gone.   But, as Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”  Through losing my little corner of the world, I found a bit more of me.

Takeaways

  1. Losing something isn’t always sad.
  2. Doing what’s right for you may feel lonely but will likely be worth the pain.
  3. Enjoy your parents while they’re here–even if they’re annoying.

 

Websites

What Does Home Mean to You? –Real Simple 

“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” Brene Brown
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/brene_brown_553109

Featured image: The Tiny Fern Forest Treehouse

August 13, 2018

Paula Stokes

I love feeling good. I'm on a mission to feel well and sharing that info with you along the way.

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