Listening is a skill; in today’s world it’s an exercise in tuning out the noise. Learning to listen to yourself is a master class.
I’ve been stuck in my head so many times, I started living there. It’s super safe and comfortable. In my head I can feel sorry for myself, assure myself I’m right constantly and most importantly resist any inevitable change. Only a few problems: change comes anyway, I’m not always right, or safe there.
Recently I’ve started to become more aware of my stream of thoughts. I was inspired to read Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. I must say some pretty chill people have suggested I read him long ago but I was too busy hiding…in my own head.
- I tell myself I’m not smart
- I don’t feel worthy of love or happiness.
- I sometimes don’t believe I belong.
- I believe in a fictitious limit to countless opportunities.
- …insert further untrue and unkind thoughts here…
I thought I was going with my thoughts, my gut. I was really buying into a story I’ve nurtured about myself that might sound familiar.
I look at my list and my very logical mind says well that’s not true. And… when I really listen to my inner voice it’s the doubting, self-destructo one. Up to now, I’ve ignored the good, logical, self-nurturing voice and reacted based on the smack talking not helpful doubting jerk of a voice. That voice lashed out, with anger and pushed people away. I’ve had enough.
What am I doing about it now?
- I’m practicing a check-in and cooling off until I can be clear.
- Instead of blasting off, I say things like ‘that hurts my feelings’
- or… suggest a more supportive action for next time.
It’s scary as hell. Seriously, when did it become so hard to say what I need? And…it’s worthwhile. I’m confident adding in good thoughts will edge out the less helpful ones. I’m still the same human, just practicing being kind to myself and in turn kind to others.
I think we’re all just walking the same path, working on happiness and being human. Instead of listening to the doubting voice, I’m talking back.